So I have no clue what’s going on right now. I just want to not be so confused anymore. I feel like its been a while since I’ve seen her and it drives me crazy. Yesterday I thought of what happens if you lie to yourself and whether you would start believing it and maybe I will try that to see if you could lessen your feelings. I was thinking of not texting janel tomorrow at all or waiting till the end of the day but she has a fundraiser. I think I will just not text her for the rest of the day and then tomorrow until she texts me. Maybe that’ll make me feel erred or it could make me feel worse. We’ll see
Another thing I wanted to write about is my gut feeling when my feelings for Janel became stronger. It was that I was just like a rebound friend that is only there to comfort her and when she is completely healed she’ll move on to another guy. This is idea that came when I was listening to the radio last year and they were talking about if you are the rebound and put int the friend zone you lose your chance for the girl. I hope this isn’t what happens though because I know i could be a great guy to be with because I am always caring and feel like I am fun to be around. I guess I’ll try to make this one of those relationships where I become the best friends I can be and get to know Janel better. If I start to grow feelings do her I guess I will try to get out of the friend zone and make her see what she could gain from being with me.
So I haven’t seen my lil sis for a couple of days and I kinda miss seeing her, but I feel like I come off to clingy which I learned I tend to do from my relationship with Angela. I know that it is a really bad trait that I shoul try to fix. I just feel like if I really care about someone it is reasonable to alway wanna hang out with them.
The last time I saw Janel was when she came over to talk. I really liked that night because we just got to talk about our feelings and relationship. I guess like always wanting to talk is like a stereotypical girls trait but it’s fine. I feel it just builds my confidence to not be bound by stereo typical things. But back to the relationship, we decided that we would try to take some space apart to hold are feelings before they become to strong. That is something I really don’t like but it is a necessity considering she is Andrews ex. Some good could come out of it because if I still have the same feelings it means that she is something special that I will always care about. Today I read a quote that was along the lines of “if you lose something and it comes back to you then you know it was meant to be” so for this week my feeling is to distance myself a little bit and maybe try to talk to janel about it over the weekend and see. I know that is not a long time to wait but time is relative and I feel like it will be really hard to distance myself for that long. Time is also relative and life is to short. I guess we’ll see how this works out.
I really like this because I get to put my feelings put there and have them still be to ourselves. I also like finding great quotes and being able to compile them all on one page.
He makes me smile like there is no tomorrow. When i’m with him it’s like my world stops and i feel at home. When he holds me in his arms i feel safe. He’s my everything. He’s my best friend and my soul mate. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him and i just know i will because when you’re with the right person you know. He’s all i think about on a daily basis. We’re so similar and yet so different that we complete each other perfectly. He’s my one.
